Recognising

More than physical violence

Recognising Harm in All Its Forms

Content warning: This page involves descriptions and discussion of the experiences and impacts of domestic and family violence. Some survivors might find its content troubling.

Domestic and family violence can take many forms. Some tactics are obvious, like hitting or threats. Others are hidden, like manipulation, isolation, or spiritual abuse. Fear is a key tool of control — it can be created without any physical contact.

Below are common forms of violence, with examples to help you recognise them.

Physical 

Harming the body to intimidate or control.
Examples:

  • Hitting, pushing, kicking, slapping, choking
  • Using weapons or objects to cause harm
  • Destroying property, reckless driving, cruelty to pets
  • Withholding medical care or basic needs

Verbal

Words used to humiliate, intimidate, or punish.
Examples:

  • Constant criticism, name-calling, mocking
  • Public humiliation or verbal threats
  • Withdrawing affection or using the silent treatment

Emotional & Psychological 

Undermining confidence, sense of reality, or emotional well-being.
Examples:

  • Gaslighting (making someone doubt their own reality)
  • Threats to children, family, or self
  • Isolation from friends, family, or support networks (also known as social abuse)
  • Persistent criticism, humiliation, or intimidation

Sexual 

Any non-consensual or coerced sexual activity.
Examples:

  • Rape, forced sexual acts, or causing sexual injury
  • Pressure, manipulation, or threats to obtain sex
  • Coercion involving others or sexual exploitation
  • manipulation of contraception, forced pregnancy or termination of pregnancy

Financial 

Controlling money or economic resources to trap or dominate.
Examples:

  • Restricting access to bank accounts, wages, or benefits
  • Forcing the victim to account for all spending
  • Sabotaging employment or education
  • Denying basic necessities

Social 

Limiting or controlling social connections.
Examples:

  • Preventing contact with friends, family, or community
  • Undermining social networks or creating isolation
  • Publicly shaming or humiliating the victim

Spiritual 

Misusing faith, scripture, or church authority to control or intimidate.
Examples:

  • Claiming God supports the abuse
  • Threatening spiritual harm or divine punishment
  • Using prayer or pastoral care to shame or manipulate
  • Controlling access to church or faith communities
  • Using Christian values, such as forgiveness, submission, or sacrifice, to demand compliance

Stalking & Surveillance

Monitoring or following to maintain fear and control.
 Examples:

  • Persistent unwanted contact (calls, texts, gifts)
  • Following, loitering, or spying on the victim
  • Using technology (trackers, spyware, online impersonation) to control
  • Demanding access to your passwords and online accounts
  • Using banking communications to threaten
  • Image-based abuse - sharing intimate images without your consent

Legal & Systems 

Misusing legal or institutional processes to intimidate or dominate.
 Examples:

  • Repeated legal threats or uncooperative behaviour
  • Manipulating custody or Child Protection processes
  • Threatening or actual malicious reports to child protection authorities 
  • Using church or community leaders to silence or isolate

Separation

Violence or abuse after a relationship ends.
 Examples:

  • Escalation of physical or emotional abuse post-separation
  • Using child exchanges or custody arrangements to intimidate
  • Threats or harassment to regain control
  • Threats to self harm to gain control

Separation is a high-risk time for the victim of domestic violence. If threats or other forms of violence escalate post-separatation, seek immediate help. 

Fear is central to all these tactics. A perpetrator can control a partner without ever laying a hand on them. Any act that intimidates, isolates, or erodes safety is a form of domestic violence.

Indications Someone May Be Experiencing Domestic Violence

The following are possible signs that someone you know could be experiencing domestic violence at home. These are not definitive — some signs may also reflect stress or other challenges. If you notice them, don’t jump to conclusions. Approach gently: inquire sensitively, stop, slow down, and listen.

Possible signs include:

  • Obvious physical injuries (bruises, broken bones)
  • Explaining injuries as accidents or clumsiness
  • Wearing clothing that hides injuries or seems unusual for the weather (long sleeves, scarves, sunglasses, heavy makeup)
  • Minimising or downplaying injuries
  • Uncharacteristic lateness or frequent absences
  • Having little money available (no access to credit cards, transport, or social activities)
  • Appearing anxious, fearful, or upset for no clear reason
  • Isolating from friends, family, or community
  • Overreacting to phone calls, emails, or texts, or being reluctant to discuss them
  • Heightened sensitivity about their partner’s moods, temper, or substance use
  • Unexpected visits from a partner or family member at work, church, or elsewhere
  • Asking permission to meet, talk with, or do things with others
  • Heightened self-blame for any relationship problems